Hopping mad

It's not really a hop you know. We use all of our feet, not one, not two, but four. Twice as many as you get around on, yet you say it's us that's hopping! A hop is on one foot, and whoever saw a bunny get along on a single foot? And while we're on the subject of our feet, I do wish you would stop collecting them for 'luck'.

You must realise we regard it as extremely unlucky to be caught a foot short, and you could at least show a little empathy in such regards. We wouldn't expect sympathy, as we know you don't feel in the way that we do. You can, at best, try and identify mentally with what we're going through, but that's the closest you will get. Mind you, it's decidedly unlikely you'll even go that far, caught up as you are in these silly little concerns of yours.

Once, it was different. We didn't have to worry so much about what you did, provided we kept a low profile when you were around. Now that's simply impossible. You're everywhere! Breeding like the proverbial, I see (and again you point the finger at us).

For all your supposed awareness of the world, half of you can't even tell us from a hare. As though you would be so forgiving if we called you monkey ape gorilla! We're quite able to make the distinction, but then we're also able to do a lot of things you seem unwilling or unable to do. Get by without eating everything not tethered down for one, managing to get through a meal without savaging a warm-blooded beastie.

Now where was I? Oh yes - hopping. We leap, bound, jump, occasionally we may run race or rocket. We don't hop.